Seventeen people were struck by droppings from a flock of geese who were above a large group of people at Disneyland on Friday night.
Police and firefighters responded to Disneyland about 9 p.m. after a report of about 20 people being hit with “fecal matter,” the Anaheim Police Department said in a tweet. But it was later determined the droppings came from a flock of geese overhead. Eleven adults and six juveniles were struck by the geese droppings.
The Orange County Register reported Disneyland provided a private restroom for the the affected people to clean up and also gave them clean clothes.
No one was injured.
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PHILADELPHIA—Visibly trembling as he wiped beads of perspiration from his forehead, Arcelis Pharmaceuticals CEO Paul Corrier told reporters Wednesday that he could stop profiting off the nation’s opioid crisis anytime he wants. “Getting these lethally addictive drugs into the hands of vulnerable communities across the country is just something I do from time to time for a little profit—I can drop it whenever I choose,” said Corrier, clawing at his sweat-drenched shirt as he insisted he could “quit in a heartbeat” if generating billions in revenue by misleading the public about the dangers of opioids ever got out of hand. “Sure, every now and then I’ll launch an aggressive marketing campaign aimed at getting doctors to overprescribe fentanyl sprays, but it’s honestly not a big deal. Seriously, it’s fine. Just because I’ll occasionally partake in making money off the devastation wrought by drugs hundreds of times more potent than morphine doesn’t mean it controls me.” At press time, Corrier had collapsed in a boardroom meeting and was choking on his own tongue after hearing the projected profit margins for a secondary medication used to treat opioid-related insomnia.
Source: The Onion
Couldn’t help myself, so true from a metaphorical pov…hehe!! 🙂
Some stories, like the ouster of Fox News chairman Roger Ailes, are too big for one late night host to tackle alone.
Note: This is hilarious! Not only does someone in Portland have a great sense of humor – they also have great aim. Try dangling a dong off a power line in one toss, betcha it’s not an easy feat…especially if you’re in a hurry trying to remain anonymous and stay out of jail….lol!
They must also have some cash, dildo’s aren’t cheap…wink, wink 🙂
There is a dong dangler at large in Portland Oregon. This person is hanging sex toys from power lines in the city. Cenk Uygur and Ana Kasparian (The Point) hosts of The Young Turks discuss.
What is the purpose of hanging dildos from electrical lines? Should the ‘dong dangler’ be punished? How should he/she be punished? Let us know in the comments below.
Read more here: http://gawker.com/unidentified-dong-d…
“A specter is haunting Portland—the specter of dildos.
According to Reuters, hundreds of “phallic sex toys” have recently started appearing on Rip City power lines, prompting numerous complaints to the city and several delightful Twitter posts.”
I had been listening for months to the Bremain campaign’s fear mongering, and now that Brexit has won, we all better get ready for The End Of The World As We Know It!!!!
What is a man to wear for this apocalypse?
Friday humor, or not so much?
Something to hide the ink stains from operating the money-printing press in hyperdrive…
Mr. Yellen seems to indicate that swimwear is in order…
What to wear for the Apocalypse is just one more question you want to have asked and answered before your life depends on it.
Peace and love,
Jonathan Pie’s latest episode focuses on big business and he asks how they sleep at night in “comfy mattresses stuffed with my taxes, probably”.
John Oliver discusses how and why media outlets so often report untrue or incomplete information as science.
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[Hat tip: Kathryn, thanks!]
Note: Sounds like naughty Three Stooges funeral..lol! Maybe the pastor needs to be reminded there are no accidents, or coincidences…karma bites.
A pornographic video was accidentally played at the Thornhill Crematorium in Cardiff, Wales during the funeral for Simon Lewis and his son, Simon Lewis Jr. Hundreds of guests had gathered for the ceremony. However, instead of watching a memorial video, they were witness to hardcore porn for nearly four minutes. Cardiff council is currently launching an “urgent” investigation into the incident. Mark Sovel and Sasha Kai Parker discuss the “electronic accident” on the Lip News.
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My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, and play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: ‘Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.’
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those ‘cold wax’ kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
No mess, no fuss.
How hard can it be?
I mean, I’m not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. (‘Cold wax,’ yeah…right!)
I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.
OK, so it wasn’t the best feeling, but it wasn’t too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!
I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north after checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship.
I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) ..
I inhale deeply and brace myself…RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I’m blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!….OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I’ve only managed to pull off half the strip.
Another deep breath and RIPP!
Everything is spinning and spotted.
I think I may pass out…must stay conscious…must stay conscious.
Do I hear crashing drums???
Breathe, breathe…OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy – a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There’s no hair on it.
Where is the hair???
WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip…it’s not! I touch. .. I am touching wax!!
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake…remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself ‘Please don’t let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!’
What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!
I’ll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
I get in the tub – the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment – I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub…in scalding hot water.
Which, by the way, doesn’t melt cold wax.
So, now I’m stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It’s a very good conversation starter ‘So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!’
There is a slight pause.
She doesn’t know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, ‘Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?’
She’s laughing out loud by now…I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else’s night.
While we go through various solutions, I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I’m pretty sure I’m going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace….the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and … OH MY GAWD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend.
Its sooo painful, but I really don’t care.
It works!!’ I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair…?
THE HAIR IS STILL HERE…….ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly shave it off.
Heck, I’m numb by now.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I’m going to try hair color……
(Facebook source – original writer not known )
Jonathan Pie’s latest episode talks about David Bowie & ‘sexing up’ the news.
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Note: Couldn’t resist poking a little well-deserved fun at Y’all Queda 😉
JMG reader Scott points us to the Twitter account of Colin Meloy, lead singer for The Decemberists, who has launched the hilarious hashtag #bundyeroticfanfic. More examples are below.
The Portland Mercury‘s Shelby King plays along: “Hungry and cold, Ammon soon found his limbs entwined with Trevor’s. He was unsure where he ended and Trevor began. ‘It’s for warmth,’ he told himself. He pulled out his Magnum and gripped the barrel, locking eyes with Ammon. Ryan held the cold steel to his brother’s naked flank. Ammon gasped with pleasure and desire.” READ MORE
Part 1 Nature Rx
Nature Rx Part 2: Discover your dose of nature.
Set in the world of a spoofed prescription drug commercial, Nature Rx offers a hearty dose of laughs and the outdoors – two timeless prescriptions for whatever ails you. Side effects may include confidence, authenticity, remembering you have a body, and being in a good mood for no apparent reason.
Behind the humor and parody of Nature Rx is good science. Research shows that spending more time in nature improves your health, wellbeing, and leads to making better environmental decisions. Find out more…http://www.nature-rx.org/research/
An award winning comedy series, Nature Rx also offers environmentalism a needed dose of fun and satire. Nature Rx is a friendly reminder to us Earthly inhabitants what feels good and what is worth protecting once we take an adventure outdoors.
One lost man, longing for the apocalypse and crippled by modern life, finds an answer… a humorous and obvious solution he was missing all along. Having fun again, feeling sexy with his wife, wild, peaceful and free, this man offers a good time prescription for our busy world. Warning: this prescription may lead to spontaneous euphoria. For euphoria lasting more than 4 hours, check work email and consult your doctor.
Three people (Kate McKinnon, Cecily Strong, Ryan Gosling) share very different stories about their alien abduction. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfPdYYsEf linkAE
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Too tempting, I simply couldn’t resist…
The economy is baffling Jonathan … what can he afford to buy? Nothing. Rent? Nothing. This is the real news…
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